The Tools We Use

Last week, I watched the Nature show on WKNO. For this episode, a pregnant orangutan was giving birth to her baby. As I watched, the mother squatted and her genitals dilated; and then the crown of the baby's head started to show. With her hands, she reached down below, felt for the crown,  and finished delivering her baby.

Funny, I thought. Then I made a statement to myself and said, "Wow, this mother orangutan has all the tools she needs to deliver her own baby."  Then I thought, gross. After the baby was born, she removed the placenta, swallowed it, and sucked the creamy substance from her baby's body.  There, I saw strength and said,  "This is such a representation of a natural occurrence." I started to think of myself as a woman and about other adverse situations in my life and the lives of other women. Then I began to think of the tools we use to deal with them.

Thought. We as human mothers rarely ever go through having a baby alone. There are health staff present before, during, and after the time of birth.  They are always there to monitor the progression of our deliveries and the birth of our babies. There are family, friends, neighbors, church members, and co-workers present to share contact and witness the joy in mothers' eyes. Nonetheless, just like the orangutan mother, there are times when we have to face adverse situations alone. In these times, most of us can use our tools to assist us with the strength to bounce back on our own. Or can we?

I know there are women who are confused about their strengths, but in this expression, I am referring to women who are not- they appear to have it all together.  Often times when women appear to have it all together, they get less support. They are cast into the shadows of  the phrases, "Aw, she got it." or "I am not worried about you, I know you can do it."  What if she does not have it all figured out? Will she still have the same level of respect from her friends? Her family?  Questions. Questions. Questions.

In our community of women, independence is encouraged, and it has every right to be. However, I have never seen a well-known public entity succeed without a network of support. When women independently use their tools to be an asset to our world of women, we as a community often pull back support. We pull back support as if it is no longer needed. We forget about the pressures that women, who look like they have it all together, face.  For instance, if a woman gets a job after being on welfare, the government immediately cuts her food stamps. If another woman, finally gets a decent paying job, no one thinks that her utilities should ever be turned off. Are we really looking? Did we internalize what pressures and other things she must be facing? Or are we assuming she has it all together  because she has used certain tools in her shed to grow?

 A fictitious example of a woman who appears to have it all together is a character in a movie, "Mom's Night Out". This character was a preacher's wife. Everyone came to her for advice (parenting, relationship, etc.) in which she willingly gave. She was the wonderful woman in their circle of women; but who was hers? She looked like she had it all together but the relationship between her  and her teenage daughter was on a constant battle ground.  This sound familiar; and I know if you are reading, you can relate.

Similarly, I can almost imagine the thought of the mother orangutan. Even though she delivered and groomed her  baby as well as went through the process alone, I am sure her smile would have widened if she saw other orangutan mothers.....her network of support. Their presence, I believe would not be to validate her ability to perform her duties and responsibilities but to acknowledge and to validate her strength.

The tools we use in day-to-day life are very important. I think that as a community of women, it is important to help each other to keep them sharpened. I know about living in the shadows of my strengths because I find myself standing alone and will do so until the purpose or goal of a task has been accomplished. As I close this expression, I would definitely like to see the mold of the mirrors change. As we look at one another, let's  resist the passing of judgment on our sisters. In our circles, let it be known that there is an opportunity for embrace whether we know the situation or not.

I think if  I do this, I am exercising my right to use my tools. I think when you do this, you are assisting me in keeping the tools in my shed sharpened. Let the cycle continue.